Of all the difficult questions I receive, whether or not to include in-laws in farm succession conversations is probably one of the more controversial topics I get to address. It’s a polarizing issue with families having very strong opinions one way or another. Many families feel they already have sufficient differing views and conflict amongst blood family members without in-laws being present. The addition of in-laws will only increase the number of opinions in the room and might just push the conversation over the cliff. So, what is the best policy?
First, we need to distinguish between succession planning and estate planning. Although many people think of them as the same, they are not. Succession planning is about the transition and continuity of the business. Estate planning is about passing the assets from one generation to the next. One of the foundational topics parents must decide is whether or not some parts of the farm’s assets (land, machinery, and livestock) are strictly business assets and not to be included in everyone’s inheritance (Fair vs Equal). That is a tough topic for another day. But I mention it because which topics are being discussed has bearing on who should be included in the conversation. If the current discussion is strictly about management of the business and not about inheritance assets, the size of the group needed is much smaller.
That is one reason I have always suggested different types of family meetings for different topics. Farm operating meetings are for those involved in the day-to-day operation of the business, including employees. Farm business meetings are for all family members involved in the operation, and family council meetings are for everyone in the broader family. Each type of meeting covers different topics and includes different groups of people.
But when considering whether to include in-laws in active conversations, first realize your son or daughter made them an instant part of your family when they chose to say “I do.” They are now a part of your child’s life even if you choose legal avenues to limit farm ownership to only blood relatives. You may not see them as part of the family business, but they are a part of your family. So be careful about excluding them from information and potentially alienating them.
Often in-laws come from very different backgrounds and may not have been exposed to farm culture. They may not understand why their spouse must work nights and weekends and can never take a vacation like their own family did when they were growing up. This is one reason I propose open and honest conversations “before” the official ceremony. Courting one another should be about full disclosure, not just revealing the parts you want your potential mate to see. The more you can educate them about the family business and the needs, including financial issues, the more prepared they will be to support your son or daughter and not critical of the process later.
But what about sensitive discussions like those involving estate planning? First, in most families I usually don’t recommend simply inviting everyone in a room and start dropping bombshells. Often it’s best for mom and dad to begin with one-on-one conversations to start gauging family members interests and thoughts on issues. When it does come time for a family meeting, I do recommend including in-laws. Why? Because they are eventually going to get the information shared anyway. But when it’s conveyed second-hand, from your son or daughter, too much misunderstanding or bias can be relayed leading to additional conflict. When they are excluded from the meeting and left at home to stew, not only does it alienate them, but it leaves them to make up their own story. I would prefer they be in the room to hear the discussion firsthand as it’s taking place.
In-laws are part of your family and have an influence on your son or daughter whether you like it or not. The long-term strength of your family business depends on their support, so educate them and involve them in the process when you can. After all, they are raising the next generation of your family’s business.
Wesley Tucker is a Farm & Ranch Transition Specialist with University of Missouri Extension. He has a master’s in agricultural economics from the University of Missouri specializing in estate and succession planning, farm labor management, and beef marketing systems. Wesley has 22 years of experience working directly with agricultural producers throughout the midwest. As a succession planning specialist, Wesley trains and assists families through complicated family dynamic situations as they transition to the next generation so both farm and family have the best chance to be successful.
He serves on the national board of directors for Annie’s Project: Empowering Farm Women and the International Farm Transition Network. A Southwest Missouri native, Wesley grew up on the family beef operation in the Ozarks where he and his wife, Heather, a local veterinarian, and their daughter, Jordan, operate a commercial cow-calf operation today.
